Friday, 4 September 2015

The Good and the Bad of Insomnia

If you never heard about me or seen me on TV or on some cool T Shirt or on a Bill Board, its probably because I have never been on any of those ones. Well, I am that other person who hardly agrees to the science of the rotation of the earth around the sun. But I will travel to Mexico by raft and literally hike through the thickest forests to prove that Aliens do exist and that I am the real Big Foot.

Lately I have been trying to compile an A4 page of explanations as to why staying up late is actually better than going to Disneyland and riding the roller-coasters with 8 year old kids just in case they take selfies with their iPhones (On selfie sticks, and you photobomb them. I made it to just over one quarter of the page. I didn’t know that font size 45 was that small. I don’t care though, I am going to explain it anyways, just because I could not do it while staying up does not mean I can’t during day time.

1.       Chance to discover Aliens first
Staying up actually means you have the chance to be one of the few people to discover the aliens and have your name written in history books, forever. Why not? After all, I do not think aliens will storm into a town during the day, chances are probably that they are photophobic and they probably see better in the night. I literally stay up each night and wait for an alienitical series of sounds and whistles so I pop my head through my window like, “Hey Aliens, do not fear anything, I won’t harm a fly”

2.       Guarding your half eaten dinner meal
We all have that one housemate who just won’t go to bed at 22:00 and get up at 06:00 the next day, that one person who will always get up at 01:15 to make sure that all the food left over after dinner is all gulped up and shovelled in his big mouth. I call them the Human Bears. Staying up at night means you have better chances of busting that pathetic trend and if we can minimise it, this habit will die down and it will go in extinction.
3.       Checking that no one adjusts your alarm clock from 06:00 to 07:00
I don’t know any other worse feeling than waking up one hour late. Not leaving the house one hour late, no, WAKING UP ONE HOUR LATE. I lose my mind and probably shout more than The Dogg has ever done on He He He. I jump and throw my shoes all over the room and once I actually wrestled my alarm clock and did a Mike Tyson bite on it. You don’t want any naughty housemate to adjust your alarm clock fam, it sucks big time and if you stay up at night, you actually eliminate any of such crappy manners.

4.       Getting fresh crispy and raw news
Remember that dude who had a tapeworm? Well, my aunt (she doesn’t stay up) apparently was told that there is a man in the south who gave birth to a baby snake. From tapeworm to snake real fast! I tell you what, people can edit the news, photos and even their eye brows so next time you want to take your ‘being informed” being seriously, better stay up at night cause a tiny innocent fly can just pass a certain house and next thing you know, a fish eating alien has been spotted in some fancy hotel in Goreagab Dam.

Disadvantages of insomnia

So far, I only discovered one disadvantage of staying up late at night.
>>>>>Watching American Football

Okay let’s face it, I am not saying the sport is bad, I just find it really funny that I can’t watch two seconds of it and not hurt my lungs. The same way I kind of watch rugby and I am like, seriously now? I watched two seconds of American football and I am like please stop, stop, STAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. I mean seriously now, those guys are wearing very tight spandex pants. SO this other guy gets the ball and runs very fast across the field in his shiny costume and shirt, then all the other guys of the opposite team also in spandex pants tries to catch him (just catch the ball guys, catch the ball). I don’t want my kids growing up watching any of that gay shit. Why don’t we just stick to Football and keep supporting Mourinho even when he jumps on The Team doctor? Okay I am done. Have a nice weekend ya’ll. Do not fornicate.

Don’t take my take on American football too serious, I hate people who catch feelings too fast.

Follow me on Twitter @pieMysterious 

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