Thursday, 7 January 2016

Holiday Reflections. Blue Short Pants is back!!!


My sincere apologies to all those who grew old waiting for Blue Short Pants to break the silence. I also grew a beard procrastinating on a new post. It has really been a while. In fact, I have been gone for a period longer than the gestation period of a mouse or the total lifespan of a fly, actually a fly would've gotten a partner, got married, got small flies, they also get their partners, bring forth other flies and so on, for 10 fly generations. That is a very long time.

Do I have a reason why I have been gone for so long? No I don't. I have reasons. many reasons. I could publish a 157 Page book just explaining why I have been gone but one reason will stand out, I have been on a long extended holiday. I have been exercising my skills as an uncle, big brother and new neighbor to two families who won't share their Wi-Fi password with me.

Why are people so grumpy these days? I just moved in. Maybe its because I haven't gone to introduce myself to the, well tough luck to me. now I have to buy 3 Gigabytes of data from MTC that only last a few days. I swear it finishes before Usain Bolt crosses the 100m line on his best day. I still stay with them though because they run selfie competitions and that is the only way I can get free selfies from girls at a finger tip.

*click, zoom, save to gallery, show my friend who once said I don't date fly girls, get caught that I don't even know the girl, delete photo, go back to MTC's twitter TL and get a new photo*

December was lit! We all know how the mood is always in the same margin as those of party freaks. I was on that bus for 9 hours, seated like a well behaved passenger. I didn't even complain about the Nomvula house song that was on replay for 9 freakin hours, nor did I complain about that Junior boy who kept holding on to my shoulder to find his balance, with his barbeque and custard smeared hands, after his mother let him carry a chicken piece that was bigger than Iggy Azalea's career. I sat peacefully, noticing every kilometer as I got closer to Wamboland.

And who doesn't like going back home? I was happy, as the mountains ceased and the number of donkeys stalled in the road started. When that happens, you know you are in Wamboland. I arrived home very early in the morning, well at first I thought it was almost sunrise but then I checked my time and it was still 04:00am, then I noticed that the glow that I saw wasn't the sun coming up, it was my Auntie's fake necklace. Oh it is so fake that the story of the tooth fairy is much more real compared to her supposedly 18 carat gold necklace that looks like an artifact from ancient Rome.

I was home for about three days. With my four year old niece asking questions at the pace of Busta Rhyme's rap, I was exhausted by the second day. The third was just to fulfill my Uncleship promises.
She asked so many questions that at some point, I had to look her straight into the eyes and see if she is by any chance a double of Kazembire Zemburuka.

translated into English

Her: Uncle do you want juice?
Me: Yes love
Her: Uncle do you want the orange or the yellow juice?
Me: The orange juice.
Her: But uncle the yellow one is better.
Me: Okay give me the yellow juice.
Her: Why don't you want the orange juice?
Me: You said the yellow one is better.
Her: *holding both bottles* Can we mix them?
Me: Yes we can.
Her: Which one do we put in first?
Me; The yellow one.
Her: And we put in the orange one after?
Me: Yes
Her: But uncle, the orange juice is not good we will get sick if we mix them.
Me: Okay lets not mix them.
Her: Why?
Me: Oh Monalisa you ask a lot of questions, lets just drink juice please.
Her: Do you want a cool drink?
Me: Yes.
Her: Coke or Fanta?
Me: OMG you kid! Give me coke.
Her: We don't have coke.
Me: *looking straight in her eyes* You only have 20 words left for the day, if you finish them up, you won't be able to talk anymore.
Her: Words don't get finished uncle. I can even sing for the whole day.
Me: Yes they do.
Her: You are stupid uncle.
Me: *walks out of the living room*

That is what you have to put up with when a four year old doesn't like toys. Spend more time with her, you answer questions all day long, you go away from her, you miss her cute little dimple-face.

So after three days I went to Outapi in northern Namibia. I love the place and the people.
I don't know man, really I love the place. people are so wonderful too, just one problem about it all. Their Pizza. Sigh.

So I went 'somewhere' to get myself a pizza. I ordered a Pizza called Outapi flavor. When the Pizza came, oh boy. have you ever had to use both your hands to pull that pizza as you try to take a bite from it? have you ever seen pizza crumbles like bread? No you didn't, because you never had that pizza. I was like, okay this is clearly not what I wanted, let me order myself a vegetarian pizza instead. Huge mistake. The pizza came and I am sure I ate a piece of beef chunk in that pizza. I don't have to explain how I felt.

I was glad to be back home, time flew by so fast and look where we are now, in 2016, the year of great success. A shout out to my new awesome friends! happy new year to ya'll.

Please note that I changed my twitter and IG handles, why?? I don't know, lol.. I just felt like a mysterious pie so follow me @pieMysterious