Friday, 25 September 2015

My Graduation Speech

I always said that I will download my Graduation Speech from the Internet. I never imagined that instead, I will SAVE it on the internet! The internet doesn't forget, not as often... except that one time when it forgot to press the "Make him famous" button when it got to my name. Now I have to call Mum and tell her that she must not worry about my nerves and my weak knees, I will just pop up here and print this out when I next go for graduation.
Who would have thought I'd use this platform to save my graduation speech for future use and re-use? Just who? I will just keep editing the name of the University / Teknion and the name of the qualification. I don't have to use a different name for the Lecturers because I am most probably going to choose a very cunning name for them.
I think the speech is very important. More important than the costume but obviously not more important than the middle finger that I will pull on my haters as I walk out of the hall like a Super-Hero leaving a room full off fallen ninjas. I will definitely also make sure that I come with a Parrot to sit on my shoulder and translate to those small birds left in nests by their mothers. You never know, maybe there will be some. nature has weird ways of surprising us. So legooooooo..... *I am excited*
"Thanks to the statistics in the graduation guide because when I tried to count the number of people in this hall, I got three million, five hundred and thirty four thousand, two hundred and sixty nine. I will not be a bad guy now to sue my mathematics' Lecturer for the past four years, it won't be fair after all the lies I told him when I missed his class. Again, I am not good with faces so I may have counted more ladies than there are. Sorry to the dudes without beards, these black long dress makes you look like ladies, no offense.
It is great to see all my college ex girlfriends in this hall with me today. We made it together, cheers to the freaking broken relationships. It was a relief to break up with you all but it is not better anyways, this is probably the last time we will ever buy French fries for Ten bucks and a Hot Dog for eight bucks. Life is funny. it is also very difficult to bear with the fact that NSFAF representatives are on the list to later give us a speech of how we must pay back the loans and all that painful information. I would like to thank all the other companies who could not give me a Bursary though but they made it here today to see me graduate.
lets give credit where it is due,
 ***leaves podium***
I would like to give special thanks to Samsung and Google Inc. for the efforts in manufacturing my lap top and allowing the search of information, respectively. There has never been any other better service in aiding my studies. To the ladies who sell junkies and beef curry with huge onion chunks under the bridge, to the guys who sell the thirty cents sweets but never gave me my ten cents change when I got three for a Dollar, to the kids who always had enough printing credit and the love and care to give me their Passwords so I print my plagiarized assignments, you are all part of this.
***Holding up certification award***
Four years, a shitload of assignments, exams, tutorials and the gruesome hours I spend in the workshop for my project, I finally get this. This, this is what you get when you go to school for four years and sit your broke ass in class for 9 hours everyday. A paper pulp dried and printed to make this nice looking piece of A4 document with my name on it but this my friend, this I will use to hit people in the faces when they want to look down on me. So thanks for making it just a little harder than the 1 dollar toilet paper that I had to use for four long years as if I don't pay tuition.
To my beloved Lecturers, stay strong. Don't despair that I had to finish and leave, instead pray for me. Like I have always prayed to God that you don't catch me copying cause then you would have had heart attacks. Thank you very much for this ***Looks at the Rector***, Sir, your socks are showing, they were not supposed to show.
I have to leave the hall and find a job now, ain't no body got time to be broke and unemployed. Adios,
 ***give the peace salute and fold certification into a small piece of paper, puts it into the back pocket***

My speech will not get lost here.

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lets go and get those Degrees!!!

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